Thursday, June 21, 2007

My "Kevin Arnold" Voice


So I'm giving it another go at blogging. Some of you may remember my ill-fated attempt last winter at a blog. However, invariably, most of you do not remember it, seeing no one read that blog either. I must say that these puppies (isn't it great that you can refer to almost any noun as a "puppy"), meaning blogs, are some of the most self-indulgent enterprises going these days; arguably, some of the most self-indulgent enterprises since the Roman orgies. Anyway, I make no pretenses of being someone who is not self-indulgent, and seeing I just had a new book released (cough, cough) titled Teaching Metaphors, I figured it's time to give this "puppy" another whirl.

Now, before I continue with this post, it's important to point out one thing for any of you reading this. I've been watching an hour a night of reruns of The Wonder Years on some ridiculous channel called ION. To give you some idea of their target audience, I counted seven commercials for Erectile Dysfunction drugs during The Wonder Years last night. Of course, I laugh each time they come (heh-heh, I said "come") on television. After giggling like giddy schoolgirl, I then do my best Beavis--- of Beavis and Butthead fame---voice and scream, "BOOOOINNNNNG!" Yup. That's about my level of maturity. My wife laughed the first two or three times I did it (and some quick math tells me this occurs around 35 times a week) but now she just rolls her eyes.

If it isn't entirely evident yet, you might be able to infer that I'm a tangential thinker and slightly unfocused. Where was I? Oh, yes. BOOOOINNNNNNG!

The larger point I was trying to probe here was that when you (the imaginary reader) read each one of these blogs, you should be hearing in the voice of the retrospective Kevin Arnold on The Wonder Years narrate. If you don't know me and have never heard me speak, no problem. If you do, then you have the formidable (or not-so formidable) task of forgetting my voice and replacing it with the Older Kevin Arnold. Every post will be told with the same wisdom that comes (heh-heh, I said "comes" again) with retrospect. Let's try this:

What I learned while watching The Wonder Years that night with Liz was that it's not right to laugh at old men who can't get wood because wood was something I took for granted, something men never think about when they're young and horny all the time. Maybe my sophomoric jokes while watching those commercials where growing tiresome for my wife, and maybe someday when we got old and were sitting in matching claw foot tubs on the top of a canyon, I'd have a stinger lasting over four hours and need to seek immediate medical attention. I learned that ED isn't funny, at least not for men who can't pitch their tents or laugh at euphemisms.

BOOINNNNG!

1 comment:

JBL said...

I love that hour block of The Wonder Years and Kevin's gentle message. The commericals make it worthwhile too! Have you seen the one about the Lakota Indian tribe and their "all natural healing techniques for arthritic men and women, now available at your local CVS or Brooks pharmacy?" are these ancient medicinal practices available at a price break? Who knew the Lakota indians knew so much about arthritis. And, to top it all off, the Indian is toking on a peace pipe in the commercial! God, whats not to love about telvision?