There are a few simple rules in life that I try to adhere to in order to maintain some vague trace of sanity. Here they are:1. Don't bet on the Red Sox.
2. Don't date a woman who can beat you at arm wrestling.
3. Don't drink before noon.
Simple, right? However, when Tito FranCOMA is batting Darnell McDonald second against a team that might be the best in the majors, with an offense that has managed one run in the last 18 innings in the Cheese Steak Mecca, Rule #3 gets thrown out the window.
For years now on this blog, I've been preaching what seems to be common knowledge: the NL is an inferior league. And Sox usually, to use the parlance of Sir Dustin Pedroia, "rake" in these inter-league games, and going into the inter-league games this season, The Red Sox were the most formidable team in baseball.
And then the whining started.
Fine. I can deal with a slump (not really), but what has been the most difficult thing to stomach has been watching my team morph into a bunch of whining bitches on par with any of Bravo's Real Housewives. It started a week before they went on the road with this whole overblown issue of how they were going to get Papi into the line-up. Tito started getting his panties in a bunch over whether or not Adrian Gonzalez should play right field, and it becomes a regional crisis---far more significant than, say, global warming---in the Boston media. God fucking forbid the Red Sox have to play nine games without a DH. Oh, woe is me! Youk starts calling on Bud Selig to re-examine the injustice. The bitching and whining in the clubhouse hits a fevered pitch.
Are you serious? So instead of going into Pittsburgh and kicking the snot out of the Pirates, they bitch and whine and pout and drop two out of three games. Now, they're hours away from being swept in Philly while that dumb-ass green-thing mascot with the stupid dick-like snout dry-humps the top of the dugout. Nice.
Ultimately, you can gauge the character of team by how they behave when they're losing. Yes, the Red Sox had one of the most impressive paper-clubs (behind Philly) going into the season, but watching these cry-babies for the last three weeks has made me sick to my stomach. Not to sound like a beer commercial---although I'm going to sound like a beer commercial---but man-up, bitches, and win some goddamn games.
Either that, or set your date to go shoe-shopping with Tamara amd Gretchen. One or the other, please. You look ridiculous.
[Edit: I realize how sexist this post is, but sometimes, when you're a man who thrives on sports-talk radio, the urge to swing your cock becomes irresistible.]
4 comments:
This whole DH crisis is only going to get worse in the upcoming months as every sports blogger/radio personality/moron contemplates how the heck Bud Selig is going to alter the divisions and we need interleague games every weekend. Has there ever been a sports league more afraid to commit to anything? Either accept baseball isn't fair, and keep everything the way it is, or admit it's incredibly unfair and make everything standard issue. 16 team leagues. 8 team divisions. Completely balanced schedule. It isn't fucking rocket science. And then we don't need to spend two months every year with Bobby Valentine, John Kruk and Nomar Garciparra telling us how funny it is to see John Lackey bat, or why, no really, despite every stat and observational analysis to the contrary, Ortiz is a good first baseman!
Ugh...I hate baseball.
-Brian
Agreed, Brian. I think, when the MLB's contract negotiations come up next year, this will be resolved...well, addressed. I am a fan of the DH, for the record. I find pitchers batting---although I appreciate it strategically---boring as shit. If the players union is negotiating, obviously they'll plug for the extra player.
While the NFL is getting all the coverage right now, things will percolating with the MLB as well.
I am neither for nor against the DH. I actually kind of like the idea the league has two seperate sets of rules. I am not a sports tradionalist at all, but there is something nice about having two distinct leagues with their own seperate identity. I feel if there going to make two 15 team leagues with interleague play all the time, what's the point of even having them? There's no reason why Team A should be in League 1 and Team B in league 2 at that point. I think the simpest solution is still to just add two teams in the AL and make it a two division league. That would also get rid of the whole issue of having 2 wildcard teams without adding extra teams to the playoffs. Look at that, I just solved every issue Bud Selig has talked about in the last 2 years in one move. Someone should give me a job.
-Brian
Here's the thing: in the AL, specifically, you have the best three teams, year after year, vying for two slots and a swag team making the playoffs by default. So, yeah, I agree. Simplify the playoffs, four teams go. Old school. It makes the regular season more relavent and best teams go to the post-season.
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