Thursday, October 23, 2008

Happy Hallo-weenie

I'm getting old. I don't mean John McCain old, or "walk-around-all-hunched-over-and-grumbling-to-myself" old, or "while-whistling-Glenn-Miller-big-band-songs-I-happen-to-crap-myself-and-don't-miss-a-note" OLD; but old in the sense that I see myself becoming more and more of a curmudgeon.

Recently, I actually had to stop myself while saying to a friend, "Can you believe the Halloween costumes these girls are wearing these days? They look like whores." What the hell is going on here? In my younger, hipper days, I had a term for those costumes: eye candy. You would never hear me complaining about them being too "skimpy" or "revealing." In fact, part of what made this country so great, in my eyes, was the fact that one night a year beautiful women walked around dressed like strippers and prostitutes in establishments that served beer. God bless America! Here I am, at the age of 33, saying stupid things like that aforementioned comment to a friend.

Either I'm getting old or gay. Let's go with old, all right?

Now, something else just occurred to me. While I was writing this, I went on Google and searched "sexy Halloween costumes." It seems that just about any occupation, regardless of what you do, has been sexed-up and made into a Halloween costume. With just a short 35-minutes perusal of the pictures, I found a sexy nurse, a sexy police officer, a sexy referee, a sexy secretary, a sexy school teacher, a sexy diner waitress, a sexy soldier, and the ubiquitous sexy French maid. Looking at these things, one would think the costumes had been pilfered from the set of a Ron Jeremy film. But no. They're sold for everyone, anyone, and in plus-sizes.

This got me thinking of occupations that you won't see a sexed-up and made into a costume, feel free to add more to this thread: 1.) a sweat shop worker 2.) anything where a hairnet is required as part of the uniform 3.) a janitor 4.) a housewife (I'm dead for saying that) 5.) a disgruntled postal worker 6.) a social worker at an STD clinic 7.) a telemarketer 8.) an assistant in a basement meth lab.

By the way, I read somewhere that the number one costume for women this year is Sarah Palin. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Oh, who am I kidding? She's hot.

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