Let me just say, I could not be HAPPIER with today's developments involving A-Roid and his cheating ways (no comment about his wife or Madonna). This ass-dolphin, who admittedly is the best statistical player in the game, has now proven himself a choker, a cheater, and a pussy---let's not forget his little bitch-slap at Bronson Arroyo while running down the first-base line in the 2004 ALCS. And to all of you who are about to say, "Well, the Sox wanted him pretty bad and would've had him if not for Bud Selig," fuck off. They didn't get him, or Madonna, and Tek smacked him around like a red-headed stepkid in the game that turned the season around for the Sox in '04.
So allow me to summarize the Spankees:
1. A-Rod: cheater/choker.
2. Andy Pettite: cheater
3. Roger Clemens: cheater/World's Biggest Asshole
4. Jeter: gay
5. Jason Giambi: cheater
6. The New York Yankees: MLB's biggest payroll since 2001; number of World Series titles: zippo, nada, the goose egg, zilch.
So may Mark Texiera come down with anal warts, may CC Sabathia gain so much weight munching on pizza slices that he can't maneuver without the help of a forklift, and may Cheater/A-Roid/Ass-Dolphin/Douche get everything he deserves and then some when he steps in Fenway for the first time in 2009. Amen.