Thursday, June 18, 2009

Baseball musings (and other ephemera)

  • Since the sweep of a certain group of luxuriantly loathsome peckerheads in pinstripes, thus bringing the season series to 8-0 (but who is counting, right?), I've felt buoyant and elated. That's the only way to describe it: buoyant and elated, like this guy above. And I'll feel like him until August, at least. Look at him. That's me.

  • Just an observation I made after watching the Interleague games: The National League is clearly not as competitive as the AL. The Phillies are decent. The Mets are all right, and I guess the Dodgers are pretty good, but all of those teams would be eviscerated in the AL East. Sorry, Karl.

  • The Sox are moving to a six-man rotation, and I'm suspicious. There was a time in baseball when teams went with four-man rotations. They gave the pitcher a baseball and let him throw until he was tired. The only other job I can think of where you can get that much time off is...well, teaching. Nevermind.

  • Sammy Sosa tested positive for steroids? No! Sammy Sosa! The next thing you know, we're going to find out The Bush Administration lied to American public when building their case to go into Iraq. Get out of town!

  • Donte Stallworth got off light with a 30-day sentence for manslaughter. Very true. Let's face it: The American judicial system is unfair, elitist, prejudice, and often unjust, but I'd still rather be tried here than in Saudi Arabia. At least we're not beheading each other for farting in restaurants, or something similarly insane.

  • Japan should be paying at least half of Dice-K's salary this year. And maybe Scott Boris can make up the difference. Whatever happened to the Dice-K who looked like he was going to impale himself with a samurai sword at his locker after losing a game? I liked him better.

  • The Red Sox sold out at Fenway Park for the 500th consecutive game. Whoopee. It hard to remember the time before The Pink Hats and the fair-weather rich ran up ticket prices and chased out the old-school fans with the blessings of one Mr. Henry. Jesus, it sounds like a Dickens novel.
  • I don't dance. When people ask me to dance, at weddings or bars or hoedowns in barns, I reply with "I don't dance." There are no exceptions. It saves me the pain and humiliation of trying to dance and others the trauma of having to watch it.

  • By my count, the Yankees have at least two legitimate douche bags, according to the definitions laid out on the Hot Chicks with Douche Bags website. Congratulations Nick Swisher and Johnny Damon. You're both big douches. Big surprise.

  • If you've voted The MLB All-Star Ballot more than three times, you should probably get thee to a therapist. Quick.

  • If you're not happy with our life right now, try more fiber in your diet.


Karl said...

ordinarily, Nate, I'd have to agree with you on the Cub's inability to match up with the AL east, or, even any team from AA up. BUT... the Cub's have won the last three games in a row on their last at-bat, each time coming back having trailed in the eighth inning or later, which leads me to believe that despite a record hovering two games above .500, the Cubs will win the World Series this year.

Nate Graziano said...

I know, Karl. I understand. Check out my apology to Nick Green. Of course, this is all going to be renderedm moot come October, if our teams aren't playing. At that point, they become a "bunch of overpaid fuck-bums who ruin my life year and year." It's part of being a real fan, as opposed to a Pink Hat (see above).

Karl said...

nevermind, Nate, Cubbies have lost three in a row. Kevin Gregg... seven home runs in 34 relief appearances... I thought Kerry Wood left Chicago... I feel like Fletcher Christian caught between loyalty and hot native babes... I AM IN HELL!!!!