Monday, May 11, 2009

A whole Manny thing

While the baseball world weighs in on Manny Ramirez and the hefty 50 game suspension dropped on him, as an imaginary sportswriter, it would remiss of me to not throw in my own two cents and disappoint my legions of readers, a.k.a. the two of you who read this blog.

My two cents: I could give two shits. Yes, I'm a big fan of baseball and believe the game is truly of a thing of beauty when it is being played well. But seriously, enough is enough already. I am so sick and tired of hearing about these players and their steroid use. Does it put into question the integrity of the game? Of course it does. Not a single one of these bulked-up, shrimp-dicked retards could hold a candle to Mays or Aaron or Williams or Dimaggio, and the record books should reflect it with the ignominious asterisk. At the risk of sounding sacrilegious to the sport, I don't care about the records; I just like watching baseball being played. These guys aren't gods. They're athletes. And I realize that little kids look up to them as heroes. When I was a kid, I looked up to Tommy Lee. That didn't mean that I was going to end up doing every drug I could get my hands on and banging Pam Anderson...

Wait a second, I think I'm losing my point.

Oh, yeah, my point. Maybe it's time we stop apotheosizing these guys, paying them obscene amounts of money, and making their business our lives. Parents should impress this message on their children, talk to their kids and tell them as much. So these guys used steroids for a competitive edge. Does that make them evil human beings that deserve the public's soap-box derision? I don't think so. It makes them athletes with questionable integrity. Should that detract from the pleasure we, as fans, derive from watching a ballgame? Not for me. And let's remember, there are some 100 names in The Mitchell Report that have yet to come out. So if we're preparing for more public stonings, we need to remember that players on our hometown teams may very likely be next. And those players who have legitimately made it on their own hard work and talent will have the existential serenity of knowing it. That should be enough. Let's stop the witch hunts and speculations. Innocent until proven guilty, right?

Manny Ramirez is a moron. No news there. He will not be in uniform again until July. Don't vote him onto the All-Star team and move on.

The only player who deserves our public outrage for cheating and lying and being an overall dick is A-Rod, and that has more to do with his uniform than his steroid use.

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