Thursday, January 14, 2010

Dewey Evans Mustache Contest

Growing up, right-fielder Dwight Evans was one of my favorite Red Sox player. In fact, aside from J.D. Drew, who goes on the DL for 60 days for an ingrown pube, the Sox have had a couple of affable right-fielders in my lifetime. Although he was one of those Jesus-freaks who should have been born with mute button, it was hard one not to like Trot Nixon as well; unless, of course, you're a Yankee fan.

But Dewey. Not only was the man a Fenway favorite, but he had one of the most impressive mustaches of his time, or any time, for that matter. It wasn't that his mustache was overly robust or unruly; instead, it exuded style and charm and masculinity. Everything a good mustache should do.Lord, what I wouldn't do to have a mustache like that.

Therefore, in honor of Dewey's 'stache, and my recently published poem "Men with Mustaches," I will be giving away free prizes to any man (or woman) who shows up at my reading with Rusty Barnes at River Run Bookstore in Portsmouth, N.H. on January 27 with a mustache. The prizes are limited, so if there are multiple men with mustaches in the crowd, Rusty and I will have to judge the winners.

Gentleman, this gives you two weeks to get to work. Ladies, you can either purchase a fake mustache---or maybe you can grow one, I don't know---or encourage your husband/boyfriend/token gay friend/stalker/etc. to grow a mustache and come with you to the reading. My vision is an audience full of beautiful Dewey 'staches.

Good luck.

Note: I realize this could completely blow up in my face, and no one will participate (or show up), and I'll be the only asshole with a mustache. But, hell, who wants to go to a stuffy reading with a stuffy crowd and stuffy writers reading stuffy stuff? That's not how Rusty and I roll. That's not "The Situation." Hope to see you there.

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