Friday, February 19, 2010

Big Bats

The 2010 Red Sox's problem is the same problem that has been harrowing men for centuries, the problem that has caused men to overcompensate out of fear that their weakness might become apparent. Yes, The Red Sox, like most males, lack the Big Bat.

Warning: the following onslaught of double-entendres might cause dizziness, shortness of breath, a realization of shortness of appendages, liver problems, or diarrhea.

While The Crypt-Keeper John Henry threw his cash at John Lackey like a housewife at a male stripper in a leopard-skin banana-hammock, the Sox still can't swagger into spring training this season like, say, the impressively-endowed (although very homosexual) Yankees. Granted, on paper, the Sox rotation reads as tight as a Hemingway line. Unflappable. But beware, while folks love to wield cliches like "Pitching wins pennants" and "It's not the size of the boat, it's the motion in the ocean," in our heart of hearts, we all know the truth.

Yes. Admittedly, the prospect of having Lester, Beckett, and Lackey in a short series arouses the imagination; however, when your deep in a tight game, Mike Cameron, Marcus Scutaro, or a less-than-sturdy Andre Beltre does little to ease the anxiety. And when you're looking for Youk to plug the Four-hole, forgive me, if I question the potential. Big Papi has become a Little Dribble of his former self, and V-Mart, a more than adequate hitter in the catcher slot, is not the monster with the wood we were looking for.

And J.D. Drew has always been limp and disappointing.

But we haven't begun spring training yet. There's always the chance of enhancement. And, you know what, sometimes the little guys win. Not often, but every now and then.


Anonymous said...

Kind of like On Base Percentage a few years ago, defense is the new fad in baseball, with all the complex sabermetric stuff going on now about defense. I don't know why the Sox are going for it though considering they play in a very hitter friendly park and have more money then God. That being said, I think Beltre is going to be great for you guys this year. Everyone thinks he was a bust in Seattle, but if you look at his numbers it was more bad luck then anything. I was really sad not see him re-sign for us, but looks like we got a whole new approach to our team this year. I think he'll hit at least 30 over the green monster...assuming he stays healthy.


Nate Graziano said...

I hope you're right about Beltre, Brian, but I've seen the Sox do this too many times to NOT be skeptical, i.e. the hitter who is supposed to light up Fenway, i.e. Wily Mo(Ron) and Rent-a-Wreck. And, by the way, Seattle has, what I think a lot of people would consider, a franchise arm with Felix Hernandez.

But, yeah, unless someone in bottom half of the line-up---Papi (sans roids), Beltre, Spew---they're going to have some issues.

Dungyboy said...

Where is the faith Graziano?

New season! New players!! new excitement. At least give the Sox a chance!!

I'm confident these players can put up the #'ers!! Papi is revived, no more HGH BS on his shoulders! Cameron and Martinez will put great numbers in Fenway! Youk and Pedrio will be consistent as usual. Only hole i see is JD Drew, who chances are, will continue to be a lil B!tch..

Cant wait for the season to start!!


Projected Lineup 2010...

C Victor Martinez
1B Kevin Youkilis
2B Dustin Pedroia
3B Adrian Beltre
SS Marco Scutaro
LF Jacoby Ellsbury
CF Mike Cameron
RF JD Drew
DH David Ortiz