Sunday, March 7, 2010

My Man-Crush

Lester/Lackey/Beckett. The three aces have become a single entity in my mind, and full disclosure: I think I might have a man-crush (also referred to as a bromance) on them.

As Opening Day nears and talk about the upcoming season has crept its way into restaurants, grocery stores, the teachers' lounge, I've found myself saying the same thing to just about everyone. When asked what I think of The Sox' chances this year, I'll say, "If they stay healthy, Lester/Lackey/Beckett..."

Then I'll stop and get weak-kneed and starry-eyed. I'll heave a big adoring sigh, lost in a dream of three-game series against the Yankees, three shutouts, the entire city of New York hanging their heads in submission, weeping the sweet, sweet tears of defeat and humiliation.

"So?" The person I'm speaking to will ask. "What about them?"

While my school-girlish instinct is to say, "Aren't they dreamy?" I won't. No. Instead, I'll throw out my chest, snarl with my top lip, adjust myself. "If The Sox get in the post-season, no one will beat those three in a short series. No one."

And, again, Lester/Lackey/Beckett will make me giddy.

Here's the thing about my man-crush: the man-crush is not on any of them individually, it's on all three of them, the entity I'll call Lester/Lackey/Beckett. (I guess that makes a bit of party girl, huh?) In fact, like any irrational crush, I've crossed the line into unhealthy adulation. In my eyes, Lester/Lackey/Beckett, these demigods, can do no wrong. When I read that Lackey pitched a two perfect innings yesterday, I thought, right, of course he did.

Right now, Lester.Lackey/Beckett is the solution to everything. Boy, the health care system is a real mess. Let's ask Lester/Lackey/Beckett to fix it. The economy? Lester/Lackey/Beckett. Your ass itches. I guess they can't help you there.

This, remember, folks, is being written on March 7. Talk to me in two months, if one of them starts slow or gets hurt, and it will be an entirely different song I'm singing. My man-crush may have turned into hate-mail.

What can I say, I'm a Sox fan.

P.S. Don't forget, next Sunday, March 14, is a very special day. Plan accordingly.

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